Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Predator vs Prey
I hate Tweety Bird.
Words cannot describe how much I hate him. Or is it a her? Either way. I can't stand that eunuch. When I was a little girl, I learned how to speak English watching Bugs Bunny and Roadrunner shows. I remember how distressed I would be for poor Sylvester, and for that matter--THE COYOTE! The poor things! They never, ever got their guy. Sylvester tried and tried to get Tweety, but somehow, that stupid bird always found a way to get away from him. That damn old granny used to unwittingly save him from danger over and over again. I would hear "I tawt I taw a puddy tat! I did! I did tee a puddy tat!" and it would make my skin crawl. For that matter, to this day, the injustice that Wile.E. Coyote experienced still upsets me. I mean, how much money did that poor creature spend on useless ACME products? Was he up watching late-night infomercials? Did he get them in four easy payments? I suppose it was just my heightened sense of justice that caused me (still does) such grief while watching these shows. To me, it was like watching a train wreck every Saturday. I would alternately weep with delight and pleasure. Hoping that, just once, the Coyote and Sylvester would eat, digest and defecate out their prey.
Does anyone else remember Sesame Street (another show that helped me with the English language) when everyone accused Big Bird of making up Snuffalufagus? Every time poor Big Bird would be hanging out with "Snuffy", he would tell him to stay put so he could go and introduce him to Oscar, the Count and all the other S.S. gang and when he would return with them, that f*ing Snuffy would be gone. Oscar would be all I'M GOING BACK TO MY TRASHCAN BEYOTCH and the Count would be all TWELVE, TWELVE LIES THAT BIG BIRD HAS TOLD! If I was Big Bird (being huge and with giant poultry death claws), I would have kicked Snuffy's ass and hung him out to dry. That hairy elephant- thing pissed me off. Clearly, I still harbor ill feelings for him. My guess, however, is that Sesame Street wised up and that I was not alone. Now ALL of them hang out with Snuffy. I wonder, did anyone ever apologize to Big Bird for not believing him? I can't decide whether Big Bird is a big pussy for letting Snuffy get away with this or if he is just a bigger person--um pituitary gland-challenged super yellow not found on any barn animal poultry creature--than the rest of us for forgiving all of them.
Shit. I should have payed more attention in church this weekend.
That, and I need a life.