Hi Mom. Just calling to check in. Call me when you get a chance. I am off to spin class and then to play a tennis match.
Love you!
(ring ring--calling me right back) Hello?
I am holed up in my office on the treadmill watching the Obama's Inaguration. How could you go the gym today, of all days? (Ummmm, because I am working on my last 5 pounds and I COMMITTED to our tennis league and my partner to play every Tuesday from 12:30 to 2? Plus? Tivo!) I moved my treadmill to face the television.
Mom?
What is Michelle Obama wearing?
Mom?
Would you call that gold or yellow? Why is she wearing green shoes?
Mom! I went to the Emergency Room last night.
She looks fat!
(pause)
What? Did you say Emergency Room? For the kids?
No. I went for me.
Oh my God. Really, Michelle looks fat. She should not wear hose. Bare legs are always best. She is not pale. Why is she wearing hose?
Mom! Did you hear me?
Well, yes. You told me that you went to the Emergency room, but now you are going to spin class and tennis, so I assume you are okay.
I went because I scratched my eyelid and got a terrible infection and my eye was swollen like a golf (okay, maybe more of a large marble) ball.
Who is the designer of her dress? She would look so much better if she would just stick to her sheath dresses with the cute belts. She needs to emphasize her arms and her little waist. Her butt is big and this dress looks MATRONLY (this is like the f-word for my mother).
Oooooookay. Well, I am fine. So, um, don't worry.
Are you putting this in your blog thing?
7 comments:
What the hell happened with your eye? Oh, the eye stories I have. We'll tawk.
Of course your mother didn't care about your eye, Lisa! Mothers only care if you are dead or made an innocent, non-life threatening child-rearing mistake which they can eagerly point out. "Well, when YOU were that age, I NEVER . . . " Get with the program, Gfriend!
Per my mom, Michelle wore an extremely drab, Grapes of Wrath, I-am-one-of-you green blouses (did anyone see a green blouse the whole livelong day, or did I just miss this pedestrian shout-out)?
Mother said she noticed and found this wardrobe choice significant after one of her friends called her to remark on it.
Alrighty then.
Nevermind the emergency room LET'S TALK ABOUT MICHELLE OBAMA'S DRESS!!!!!
I'm sorry about your eyeball – eek! – but good for you for the gym and the tennis although really? Does this mean you're just going to get HOTTER? I mean that seems kinda rude to just get hotter and hotter and make everyone else look bad.
I'm just sayin'.
Lawyer Mom, I have been racking my brain as to where the green pedestrian shirt came from and I can only think that perhaps in a slip of the tongue, green shoes came out as green shirt. Either way, the green object had to go. And I DO get the I NEVER from my Mom. Are we destined to do the same?
Lesley. I plan on maintaining what little level of hotness I have left. Although, I am not so sure that level is high at all--but thanks for the compliment. And, as much as I like the Obamas, Michelle is NO Jackie O and I am not really terribly impressed with her clothing choices, nor do I think she is attractive in ANY way. Mr. President, on the other hand, is a cutie patootie.
Totally agree with your Mom on Michelle's dress. Sorry.
I am with your mom - If you are ok to go to tennis and spin class, then no sympathy here!!!! I, for one, would have played my cards right and been in bed for the next few days........ maybe that's why you look so good!
I didn't know you were doing a blog until Jennifer G. informed me.
I have laughted so hard I cried and peed myself.
OMG - I miss Lisa and Lourdes. I was wondering about the green shoes myself - at leas they were not "slut sleepers." I thought the ball gown was more like a chenile robe - I would have liked to have seen something more sleek. I think Michelle is beautiful but could use a bit of lip color. Can you get on the with the White House?
My eyeball right now is really wierd. It's soo swollwn I can barely blink. I need help.
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